The bus was ten minutes late, pulling in just as Lady Gaga began singing about a bad romance. I used to read comment after comment about the "lady at the Laundromat" who was a major bitch. Twenty minutes earlier when I dragged my bag into the combination laundromat/bus station she had greeted me with a gimlet eye. I would have rather she greeted me with a Gimlet, even though it was barely 8am. I settled for a bite-sized Tootsie Roll out of a basket near the cash-register. When she realized I was already ticketed and there wasn't a commission from Jefferson Lines in her future, she leaped over the counter and proceeded to pound the back of my head in an effort to get me to up-spit the undeserved Tootsie Roll.

Perhaps I exaggerate.

She did give me a look, not unlike the bald guy with the mustache on the Laurel & Hardy films gave the boys. If you watch it you'll see that Homer Simpson's "Doh!" was being doh-ed before Rupert Murdoch was born.

"Rah Rah uh uh uh"

The bus arrived, I turned my very heavy bag to a woman bus-driver who hefted it to its proper place with a comment, "You're overweight." to which I replied, "You're not so skinny yourself." The laundromat woman yelled from the door, "Watch him...he's a candy thief." Ignoring her I climbed aboard.

"I want your ugly....."

Lady Gaga must have peaked at my fellow passengers because, aside from two rather stuck-up college babes, a guy who looked like a former colonel in the National Guard, and an African-American guy (It is the law that every Greyhound or Jefferson bus must include at least one black on every run).

Don't bitch that I'm being racist! It's THE LAW!

The rest of the passengers were in the various final stages of syphilis and leprosy. "...I want your disease..."

My mp3 timing was superb. The next time I heard Lady Gaga was on 35E passing the former Ramsey County General Hospital (They renamed it.....I think it is called...ODs R US.)just a minute or two from the St. Paul bus station. I'm staying here, visiting family over in Scott County for a few days.

----------dashes representing four days in Belle Plaine---------

After saying my goodbyes on another frigid morning, I dragged my fat ass into the Amtrak station. The clerk who helped me get right with the railroad wasn't in a very good mood but I forgave him since he was going to be working all the live-long day. At last I sat in an uncomfortable plastic seat (obviously molded for an ass shaped differently than mine)and dragged out my mp3 player.

"Gaga ooh la la..."

I think this is where you came in.

Rob